Originally Published February 18, 2015 by Fifty Shades of Mommy

You’re pregnant, you feel fat, bloated, whatever you wanna call it (especially towards the end). You’re super cranky and have no idea why, and then you start crying. WTF? You’re constantly starving but have no more room for food and yet…someone seems to ask you EVERY. DAMN. DAY. “How are you feeling today?” Instead of screaming f*&^ off! Here are some honest and more productive answers:

  • My fingers are numb.
  • I haven’t pooped in a week
  • My ankles are the size of TX
  • I have a knee pushing into my bladder
  • I can’t feel my left leg
  • I have a horrible pinched nerve
  • I can no longer sleep in my bed
  • I should just set up an office in the bathroom
  • My hips feel like they are going to explode
  • Pregnant
  • Is it hot in here?
  • I’m cold. Are you?
  • I need to walk away. I have to fart/burp.
  • Your outfit makes me want to rage out
  • My toes are busting out of my shoes as we speak. Can I just wear my Crocs to work?

And, as always, don’t forget to ask “But how are you feeling today?”

**This list is a work in progress – I’m sure I’ll remember more someday. And I’ll add what I hear from others as well.

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