If I’m at Target alone, don’t talk to me…

Originally Published April 3, 2015 by Fifty Shades of Mommy

Here’s the thing. I love going to Target with my husband. We used to spend hours just perusing the aisles and giggling like children. I still love going to Target with my husband, but now that we have a baby, it’s different. No hand holding, (well, now that we got a Tula there might be some hand holding in our future) no wasting time just walking around, now it’s get in and get out. Right? Unless I’m there by myself. Then it’s like a vacation. And I end up going down aisles I just don’t need to go down and thinking, ‘Maybe I need some nail polish’ when I really don’t. I try to stick to my list, but let’s face it, it’s TARGET. There’s no spending less than $100 a trip, and if you do – it’s a damn miracle!

So the other day, I go to Target by myself. I think, crap – Easter is coming, I need to have some sort of basket for Leilani right? So as I’m wandering around, I find myself in the baby section looking at items to put in her basket. No one was around. So, I happened to drop ass. Of course, some guy pushing a cart with a kid in it wanders down my aisle and comes right up in the cloud. My husband isn’t there to blame (he always takes the blame for either of us, that’s pure love right there), so I just stand there and pretend like nothing is wrong. And what does he do? He bends over to look at the food. At this point I want to run, but I don’t. Maybe he’ll think it was his kid. Ya, that seems likely. He looks right at me and says, “Clearance baby food…that can’t be good right?” And I’m so caught off guard that I just nervously shake my head and say, “I don’t know.” And then I giggle. (Inside I’m thinking WTF – who are you right now?) He looks at his son, who happens to be super cute and about Leilani’s age and says, “What do you think buddy, you don’t want clearance baby food do ya?” To which the kid starts to giggle as he’s staring right at me. Like he knew my dirty secret. So I smile at him and say, “Is that funny?” and he giggles again. So I left the aisle. I looked for some other items I needed and then went back to that aisle.

I turned the corner super slowly, just in case they were still there and I could pretend like I was just walking by, but it was empty. Thank God! I just wanted to shop in peace! I heard him talking to a Target employee in the next aisle over, so I hurried up and made my selections and got the heck out of dodge! I know this guy was just trying to be nice/funny, but I didn’t want to be talked to. And it threw me off guard because, helllloooooo, the aisle was smelly and it was my fault. It felt like I was getting hit on, when in all reality I’m sure I wasn’t, but it was awkward! So, next time Mr. ‘I have a cute kid and shopping without a wife’, don’t talk to the woman in the baby aisle that is not pregnant, nor has a child with her, and if it smells – walk away. That is all.

Here is my adorable little basket I made.

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