Tales of a Pregnant Woman – Why We Get No Sleep

Originally Published February 15, 2016 by Fifty Shades of Mommy

I fell asleep on the couch last night, which is a usual occurrence these days. I sleep for about an hour, get uncomfortable and then slowly get up, brush my teeth, wash my face and climb into bed. An hour or two of good, uninterrupted sleep goes a long ways it seems. This Wednesday I will officially be 34 weeks. That means, according to my doctor who will let me be induced at 39 weeks due to this baby’s size, I have 5 weeks left or less if he is anything like his big sister and decides to come early (please oh please let this be the case!). You think it’s just the baby that keeps us up at night, or insomnia as a ‘side effect’ but there is so much more that happens at night that my husband somehow sleeps through. And then wonder why I wake up super crabby and wanting to punch people in the throat already. To give you an example, here is the story of my night.

I wake up from the couch around 10 pm, wash my face, brush my teeth and try to get comfortable, which we all know is super easy to do with a pregnant belly. I fall asleep only to be woken up at 10:30 by the sounds of a cat puking. This happens a lot. My 17 year old cat is a puker, always has been, always will be and I hate her for it. LOL. Not really – but sitting straight up in your sleep because you hear anyone/anything puking is disgusting if you ask me. I was too comfortable to get up to make sure she puked on the hardwood floor and to clean it up so I went back to sleep making a mental note to make sure to find it in the morning before the toddler runs around. I finally fall back asleep and about 1:45 am the kiddo cries out, so I quickly run to her (yes imagine a 34 week pregnant woman quickly running across the hallway to the other room…that’s a funny site I’m sure) pop in her pacifier before she wakes up too much, cover her up and then decide to pee, because otherwise I’d wake up again, and probably soon, to do so. Then I decide I’m thirsty, so I grab a water from the fridge and turn around and there it is, staring me in the eye. The pan of Rice Krispie Treats from dinner last night. So I decide to eat one and then go search out where the puke spot is so I can quickly clean it up….oh, there it is – found it – with my foot. DISGUSTING. So I clean up my foot, clean up the puke, drink more water and then go back to bed. I try to lay down but the younger cat is all over me, stepping on my belly and licking me. I push him off the bed not once, but twice and try again to get comfortable. Once I get comfortable I hear Leilani playing with a pacifier, dragging it along the back of her crib so I get up to go check on her again and try to find that one comfortable spot…again. Cat starts crawling on me again so I kick him off again and start to fall asleep only to have to roll over to push my husband to tell him that he’s snoring and needs to roll over. Ugh…sleep…I miss you.

Meanwhile, the cat has other plans and jumps on the bed yet again and the kiddo inside decides it’s time for a dance party. Damn it! I shouldn’t have eaten that Rice Krispie Treat!!! And now it’s 2:15 WTH??? I wake up suddenly at 3:08 to Leilani fussing in her crib again. This time, I wake up my husband and ask him to go check on her but to hurry before she wakes up too much. So he does and then comes back to bed, only to have to get up again because she’s fussing again. And of course, I’m awake this whole time. He comes back to bed and goes to sleep, on his back. So I lay there and toss and turn and have to push him and tell him he’s snoring again. I think my body is making me an even lighter sleeper than normal to get me ready for this baby. Like I don’t already sleep light enough! I close my eyes and all I hear is, scrape, slurp, scrape, slurp – my f’ing cat is cleaning himself at the foot of the bed. Really? I shove him off again. I close my eyes for what feels like a minute and wake up to the kiddo fussing again at 4 something. At this point I don’t care what time it is, I just want sleep so bad I could cry. I go calm her down and pee again, because that’s what my body does during the night now, and then try one more time at this getting comfortable thing. Only to hear my husband snoring again. Maybe part of his Valentine’s Day present should have been Breathe Right Strips or something.

I finally fall asleep, YES! And then I hear this music coming from somewhere and it doesn’t stop and it is getting louder. This music is waking me up from my wacko dreams and I don’t know if I want to be in dreamland still or to figure out what this music is coming from, but the choice has been made for me. The annoying music. Louder. And louder. And then I finally figure it out. Kevin’s alarm has been going off and he’s not moving. So I say, “Hey, your alarm is going off.” And he shuts it off and once I hear the kiddo and him getting up I don’t recall anything else until I hear the monster running around being loud. Yes, my toddler has ONE volume and it’s extremely LOUD. Even though my loving husband closed the bedroom door, I can still hear her clear as day. I finally get out of bed at about 6:30 and open the door and there she is, that adorable little girl running towards me with a huge smile on her face and open arms because she wants a hug. I pick her up and she wraps her arms around me and squeezes me as hard as she can and doesn’t let go for what feels like minutes and then she gives me a kiss. And that’s when it all goes away. You can’t be angry when you wake up and get a smile like that or a hug and kiss and still be angry. It doesn’t matter how many times you get up in the middle of the night because it’s all worth it. She is so lucky that she is the cutest little thing and can get away with it 🙂


Thankfully we have a random day off today from work (for President’s Day) and Leilani is at daycare so I can get some stuff done and prepare for this next little one to ruin my nights of sleep. LOL!

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